VBAC the hell up

31 Jul

Over a third of women in the US are meeting their babies for the very first time in a sterile OR, while being stitched up from surgery.csection

Many of these women never asked for surgery. Many of them even planned to have a natural, drug free birth. Some of these women did everything right.

Sometimes cesareans have to happen. Often times, they could have been avoided.

Either way, a good amount of these women will then plan a VBAC, or at least want one. This is a problem for many women.

THIS SHOULD NOT BE A FUCKING PROBLEM!! If a woman chooses to have a VBAC, then why should anyone stand in her way? Who gives anyone that right? Hospitals, Dr’s, midwives, even States just simply “Don’t do VBAC”! VBAC’s are BANNED in places, BANNED!!! WHY???

As a doula, I get a lot of VBAC inquiries. So many women at 28, 29, or 30 weeks, who want a VBAC, are with an unsupportive provider, and want me, the doula, to save the day. I can’t save the day. I wish I could. I wish I could give every woman who wants a VBAC the opportunity to get one, but realistically, I can’t.

36917033Realistically, it really sucks for women who are in this position. It really sucks because not everyone is ok with a home birth, and not all birth centers will take VBAC’s, and there are more unsupportive hospitals and doctors than there are supportive ones. It really sucks that most of these women, wouldn’t even be needing to seek out support for a VBAC, if people had been supportive of them the first time around, and if women weren’t made to fear birth in the US.

I hate that people need to fight for VBAC, they shouldn’t have to!

I am a doula. I want you to have the birth you want. I want you to come out of this birth feeling like a fucking rock star.

It really sucks when that doesn’t happen.

It really sucks when you work so hard for a VBAC and you end up with a repeat cesarean. It really sucks for me, and it really sucks for you. My hope is that my clients still feel like rock stars. My clients are fucking rock stars, regardless of how they birth.

But sometimes they feel like shit, and when my clients feel like shit, so do I.this-is-a-job-for..-crap-im-not-wearing-my-costume

And no medical care provider should get to make the decision that leaves me and my client feeling like shit.

This is the not so glamorous part of being a doula. Sometimes you have to feel like shit. Sometimes you have to walk through a really shitty, frustrating and aggravating birth with a client, and feel like shit because you couldn’t save the day.

I can’t save the day.

I can support you though. I can support you even when you feel like shit. I will still think you’re awesome, and I will still tell you that I am proud of you. I will shove my own shit feelings down, so I can talk to you. I will talk to you and tell you all the things you did right.

I will be your rock when you need me, and I will be there to cry with you. I am here if you need to bitch about your shit doctor who wouldn’t even give you a chance.

tumblr_mddhgj6Az01rqlibwo1_500I am here for you, because I am a doula.

3 Responses to “VBAC the hell up”

  1. Kasi December 10, 2013 at 4:15 am #

    When I was 18, I was given a c-section. I am not sure why. It was a long time ago, my baby was being adopted, it was a very rough time for me. I just don’t remember. I think my mother told the doc to, and he went ahead with it. When I had my second child, in 2006, they told me that I had to have another. I didn’t really think anything of it, having one always meant have another. Docs always told me that’s how it was. Last year (2012), I had my third child. The doctors kept me and my husband on a string all the way up to my 8th month, telling me they needed my medical records from my previous doctors, but if they thought it was safe, I could have a natural birth. They knew that if I had to have another c-section, I wanted to schedule for Halloween. I even had to contact my first childs adoptive parents for the info, that was a very awkward conversation. Then a doc I had never met before (the practice was 5 revolving docs and I had just never been scheduled with her) looked at me like I was insane when I asked about my records and options since I was due in three weeks. She said, we won’t do that here, we never have, and we won’t any time soon. You will have a c-section. She said, I don’t even think you can schedule for Halloween, you waited so long it might be booked up. No doctor here would ever ever have offered, you must have misunderstood them. If it wasn’t for my husband, I might have panic attacked myself into early labor, I was so upset. When I next saw the docs I usually had, they all said we misunderstood. That they thought we just wanted to know if I could, and they would have never done it.

    Halloween came around, and I had the worst birthing experience that I have ever heard of, which is saying a lot when I was/am in therapy because of my second (it was really really awful, and this was worse). It was c-section and it was awful. I have nightmares and the idea of having any more children, which I would love to, terrifies me and makes me cry.

    Long story (which could have been longer, I didn’t realize I had such a rant I’m sorry) short, I wish I had had someone like you in my life. I hope you bring joy to many many people.

  2. Belinda December 11, 2013 at 12:07 am #

    You never explained what a VBAC is…now I have to google it.

    • Kasi January 15, 2014 at 9:07 pm #

      Vaginal Birth After Cesarean? I’m pretty sure..

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