Being empowered is a choice

10 Jul
As a doula, I have a bit of a pet peeve with clients.  It bugs the shit out of me when they ask my advice, and then do the exact opposite or just do what the doctor says.  WHY THE FUCK DID YOU BOTHER HIRING ME?

 

I am a doula.  My job is to lay out all your options, talk you through it, support you in your choices, and tell you when you are not making choices that are going to get you the birth you claim to want.  Take this example. “I want a completely natural birth, but my doctor said I have to have constant monitors, and stay in bed”.  Ok great, so what are you going to do  to get a natural birth?  When LetMeDoMyJobyou picture your labor do you see yourself laying in a hospital bed, strapped to monitors?  Probably not!   I get this ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!  Here it is! If you want a natural birth, you need to find a provider that is supportive of that.  There can’t be a huge list of rules you are expected to follow.  And don’t tell me that you’ll just labor at home and then go in, and think that’s the answer.  It might be, but you know what a better answer is? FINDING A DOCTOR THAT SUPPORTS YOUR CHOICE!  Holy shit, what a fucking concept!!

 

If you want a completely intervention free birth, hire a midwife.  Did you just come up with like 10 reasons why you needed to be in a hospital? Oh, then hire a hospital midwife, but just being in a hospital is going to decrease your chance of an intervention free birth by a huge amount.   Oh, your baby had to go to the NICU last time, so you think it’s safer to be in a hospital. Ok great, then go to a hospital, find a doctor that will support you, and decide what you want to make compromises on, because there WILL be compromises!!!

Do you see where I am going here?  There are a million options, be an informed consumer.  Seriously, it pisses me off when people hire me, tell me they want a natural birth, and then stay with a doctor who dictates how birth is done.  If you want a natural birth, then make choices that support it.  You can still have a doctor, but probably not the doctor that your neighbor who had a cesarean suggested to you.  If you don’t care about a natural birth, you want an epidural, but you don’t want a cesarean, then listen to me about the steps you can take to reach your goal.

 

I am a doula.  I do not make decisions for you.  I do not tell you not to get an epidural, or that you have to have a home birth….but I am going to tell you when your choices and your goals DON”T FUCKING MATCH!!  There is a reason I am telling you this.  It’s not because I am mean, and just want to piss you off….it’s because I have seen it happen, over and over and over again.

 

I don’t want to hear, well my doctor knows me, and she knows I won’t do it if I don’t want to.  You know what? You will, because

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 you’ll be in labor, and because the nurses will come in and tell you it’s time to get an IV, and that because your water broke you need to stay in bed, because it’s against hospital policy to walk with your water broken.  And you know what? You aren’t going to want to fight it, because you are going to be fucking exhausted, and scared that anything you say or do is going to hurt your baby.  When you are in labor, you do not want to fight, you want to just focus on being in labor.

 

Ok, let’s change the direction of this a little bit.  Why did you hire a doula?  Because you want support? Because this is your first baby and your doctor is difficult? Great, now when your doula tells you things, LISTEN TO HER!!!  Don’t write a birth plan and be all excited about it, only to turn around and change your birth plan because your doctor says you “can’t” labor without IV.  Who says? I did it, thousands of other people do it all the fucking time! Why do you need one? You are an individual person, and should be treated as such.

 

So here’s the deal.  Hire a doula, because doulas are fucking awesome.  Hire the right doula, the one how is going to give you what you need.  Hire a great provider who supports your choices.  Make decisions about what you want, what is most important to you, and find a provider who supports YOU.  A great doula can’t work to her full potential if you are willing to give in to all the pressure from rocketsurgery_fullpic_artworkyour unsupportive doctor.  You hire a doula because you want a great birth, I can’t ever guarantee that for you, because you ultimately make the choices, but I can offer suggestions on how to get it.  If you really want it, you’ll make the choices to get there.  If you choose to stay with an unsupportive provider, then you’ll get the birth you signed up for.
by Robin Sparkles

One Response to “Being empowered is a choice”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. My birth story 2 | Ottawa Moms and Babies Blog - July 11, 2013

    […] Being empowered is a choice (whatthefuckisadoula.wordpress.com) […]

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